The Goldfish Walker

It’s almost too sweet to make fun of. Almost. A man by the name of Mick Madden was one day looking at his two goldfish, and felt a sudden rush of empathy. All they ever got to see was the room their bowl was in. So he invented the goldfish walker, and then put it on the market.

No, like actually this is a thing you can buy.

The Product. The bowl sits on a trolley that you can wheel around your neighborhood on a nice day. Madden claims that his fish “love it.” I know what you’re thinking: but Chrissy, why can’t I just carry my fish bowl around outside? Because, anonymous reader, carrying the bowl outside isn’t stable enough. The water will be sloshing around, creating an unsafe environment for your fish. You would basically be simulating an earthquake for them, which makes you a bad parent (shame). BUT the Goldfish Walker stabilizes everything, making the walk a much more enjoyable experience for your fish.

As far as product benefits go, I guess you could spin this as a mental health for your goldfish sort of thing. I mean, if you were stuck in the same box your entire life and never got to see beyond it, you would probably go crazy too. Keep your fish happy and healthy by walking it once a day. Sure.

Demographics. The only people I see buying into this are those who so desperately wanted a pet when they were younger, like a kitty or a puppy, but couldn’t because their parents had some sort of allergy. These are the only people in the world who get invested enough in their pet fish to actually bring them for a walk. Too niche? Ok, fair enough. Let’s just go with animal lovers.

It’s estimated that there are 65,821,280 households in the US that own pets. Expenditures in the pet industry are estimated to get to $60.59 billion in the year 2015.  Of these pet households, 7,738,000 own fish. That’s a pretty sizable market—large enough to make trying to sell this thing a little less crazy.

Channels. Surprisingly, people actually get really into the well-being of their fish. There are even social media pages devoted to people’s love for their pet fish. Leveraging this already existing pages would be a good place to start. We could use targeted ads that appear on the feeds of people who have liked these pages. Since fish-loving is already kind of a thing on the internet (god bless America), using a social media campaign with a clever hashtag might also make a splash (pun intended). #NoFishLeftBehind, #DontForgetTheFish, #PleaseBuyThis.

The Goldfish Walker also might consider partnering with major pet franchises. PetCo and Petsmart have great digital content on their websites. Although both of them target dog and cat owners more, they both still devote entire tabs for fish owners.   A quick article or blog post about the goldfish walker on one of these sites could drive up sales, or at least create awareness about the product.

In a perfect world (and let’s face it, on this blog pretty much everything exists in a hypothetical perfect world), there might even be a veterinarian that advocates for the mental health and well being of domesticated fish. Get some scientific research statistics all up in there and we may be able to make a valid case for this product.


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